There may not be a single athlete in the history of the world more overhyped than Lebron James.  An important distinction before we get comments calling me a Lebron hater:  Overhyped does not mean overrated.  He is undoubtedly one of the top two (yes Kobe is the other) players in the NBA currently.  And to further prove the point: I predicted him to dismally fail to live up to expectations when he made the jump from high school to the NBA.  And I was very very super-duper wrong.  So I don’t hate Lebron, and I can admit that he surprised me and proved my assumptions inaccurate.

But hype is something else.  Lebron’s hype coming out of high school was nothing short of extraordinary.  His high school games were on ESPN.  He was hailed as the next coming of MJ before he was even drafted.  Folks who think Steven Strausburg is the most hyped athlete of recent times either have a very short memory or were too young to pay attention during Lebron’s late high school years. 

Now the hype machine starts anew, as Lebron (or is it LeBron?  There seems to be debate over this, although if it were LeBron, wouldn’t that just be French for “The Bron”?  Maybe that appeals more to his ego?) is all set for free agency.  Will he stay in Cleveland?  Will he go?  If so, where?  Was there a super-secret summit of superstars speculating their situations?  Has there ever been a more alliterative sentence than that?

It appears there are a few major players in the The Bron sweepstakes.  So you don’t have to listen to hours of speculation on Sports Radio (I’ll do that for you!), I’ll break them down for you now.

The Man:  The Bron James

The Franchises:  Cleveland, Chicago, Miami, New York, New Jersey/Brooklyn, Los Angeles (not the good one), and Dallas.

The Bit Players:

Dwayne Wade- Can they co-exist?  If The Bron plays with him, is his legacy diminished because he had Wade on his team?  Can a team afford two superstars like this?

Chris Bosh - Irony defined.  He’s being courted by teams, so that they can court The Bron.  Teams want to sign him, so that they can go to these teams and say “The Bron!  We have Chris Bosh!  Come play for us!”  I wonder if he loves that or hates it. 

Dirk Nowitzki- He opted out of his contract with the Mavs, which leads to half-hearted speculation about him somehow, someway,  playing with The Bron somewhere.  Not going to happen.  He’s going to re-up with the Mavs for more money.  Done and done.

Joe Johnson- He’s frequently mentioned in teams’ “Plan B’s”.  Can’t get The Bron and Bosh?  Get Johnson and Boozer!  That seems to be the plan B set for every single team, which means if it comes true, you’re going to have one team with Bosh and James, one with Johnson and Boozer, and a few with nothing at all waiting another year for Carmello to become available.

Chris Paul- He’s with the Hornets.  He’s not a free agent.  Yet, it seems like he and The Bron are bffs and braid each other’s hair and whatnot, so rumors are flying about a trade.  But guess what?  The team that made cap room for The Bron don’t have many tradeable pieces.  Errrr.

Carlos Boozer- He is to Chris Bosh what Hydrox is to Oreos.  He’s an acceptable substitute that they’ll plug in there for a party and hope no one notices that they failed to get the big name brand.

So where is he going to go?

Glad you asked, dingus.  I’ll break down the pros and cons of each team rumoured to be courting The Bron and assign how likely it is or isn’t that he will sign with them.  First up:  His hometown…

Cleveland Cavaliers

Pros – The Bron loves Cleveland.  He grew up in Akron.  He’s never been anywhere else.  There’s a comfort factor.  The city of Cleveland treats him as as a deity.  He get an extra 30 million bucks to stay at home.  He has the opportunity to be The Hero, The Man, The Savior if he can ever get the Cavs a championship. 

Cons- Dude, its Cleveland.  Seriously though, the Cavs don’t currently have the pieces in place, and they don’t have the cap space to add another player like many of the other teams. 

Chances- High.  He really does love Cleveland.  Its all about his attitude; can he wait a few years for the Cavs to add pieces, or does he want to win a championship right now?

Miami Heat

Pros – No state income tax.  The chance to play with another superstar in Dwayne Wade.  Nightlife. 

Cons- Having to share the stage with Wade.  Poor fanbase.  If he wins a championship, it will be the whole “Shaq/Kobe” thing.  Can he win without Wade…blah blah blah.  Forget that noise.

Chances:  Low

Dallas Mavericks

Pros - If they can get Dirk back, it would be a fun team to watch.  NBA players love Marc Cuban.  High chance at a championship in the next few years.

Cons- Its just never going to happen.  The Mavs are late to the race, and this has never felt like a real possibility.  Do they even have space? 

Chances:  Very Low.

Chicago Bulls

Pros – The Bulls have all the pieces in place to contend for a championship right now.  Rose, Noah, The Bron, and possibly Bosh on the floor at the same time?  Forget about it.  If he wants to win now, Chicago is the place to go.

Cons - He’ll always be in the shadow of MJ.  He’d have to win 7 championships for there to ever be a debate about who the better player is.  That’s not something that will play well with his ego. 

Chances:  Very High.  If The Bron seriously wants to win and win now, he’ll put the MJ comparisons aside and sign with the Bulls.  He’d win a title in the next 2-3 years.

New Jersey/Brooklyn Nets

Pros – New billionaire Russian owner can give him free vodka and stock tips.  Part-owner Jay-Z is his boy.  Will be in New York in 2 years. 

Cons – Has to play in Newark for 2 years.  Russian Billionaire can still only pay him a set amount under the salary cap.  Nets aren’t really a premiere NBA franchise.

Chances – Medium

New York Knickerbockers

Pros -The Bron will be KING OF NEW YORK.  Celebrities fawn over him, making ridiculous video taped pleas for him to come to NY.  The Knicks have name recognition.  New York is the media capital of the World.  Endorsements and globalization of his brand would be easier to come by.  If they get James, they can probably grab another big free agent, turning the Knicks from a laughingstock to a legit franchise once more.

Cons- The Knicks front office is a joke.  They’d have to get The Bron and another free agent to have a chance at turning things around.  If he doesn’t win right away, idiot New Yorkers will turn on him no matter who his supporting cast. 

Chances:  Medium

Los Angeles Clippers

Pros:  Good young core, gets to live in LA. 

Cons:  The Clippers are never going to be the Lakers.  Kobe plays in the same town, and wins a lot more. 

Chances:  Very Low

So where’s he going?  If I had to guess, I’d say Chicago and Cleveland are neck-and-neck, with the New York teams lagging a bit behind.  I don’t buy the Miami rumors, and I think the Clippers and Mavericks have next to no chance.

One thing is for sure:  I can’t wait to find out, so that I don’t have to hear about it for another five years.